What is insanity?
by Blixa
Summary: Spike is examining this question, in one of his states of madness. Did he accepted the proposal? Insanity is taking over him, as he is visiting the past. Literally.
1. Madness?

A/N: Maybe it seems to be little confusing on the begining, but remember insanity is always confusing.

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Don't own.

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The ground is peeling and starting to start an allergy on nightmares and falls from windows, when fragments are reflecting the past, like lens of spotlights onto bombing planes. Watts don't make sense, sixty in bulb, in room onexone meter, painted with white paint, titillates senses and ability to see the past. Sit in that room and wait for bigger voltage, finally with electric shocks, again wake from dream for a while.  
But nothing happens, so go to the club and on the way see a poster, what don't make sense. "Cancel the car, to number ten, such a thick fog rolling in, i played my cards, on unreal class, i left the party to last, Friday night to Sunday morning, i go on, its so unreal, to walk these streets." Through the hollow way, way don't lead.  
And cableway will come again... 

Light was flickering again and blinded his senses. Shock on the weep body, what he had, made him remember, but he don't let his memories to get inside the brain. Chair, in the middle of the room, on which he sat, bound his hands and wall before him, revealed some figures in white coats.  
White doctor coats, so finally they got him here. Crazy he was, he knew. Dream, what he couldn't wake up from, continued.  
Figures were asking something, but from his mouth only saliva came, another shock on his hands and again made him thoughts. Spike managed to block his memories to enter his brain. Shock again. Question again. No answer. Now with more volts.

"So do you reconsidered our proposal?" One started. He named him a Cloak

"Go to hell..." Spike answered and spat at window.

"We have lots of time, and lots of amps too." Amps are harmful, he could take volts, but amps couldn't.

"What do you want..." Spike asked with shadow in his eyes.

One of the figures stood up and started to shout.

"You want us to tell you again! How many times we repeated it?"

"I am sorry, my memory is crummy." Spike said and destroyed the pillar between brain and eyes, to remember.

"Okay... We want you to save the earth, to help us colonize it again." Cloak answered.

"You're great humorists..." Spike thought that they are joking.

"Were not joking!" Doctor left to the Cloak shouted.

"Are you sure, he's the right one for this mission?" Then he asked his right side.

"Yes, he can survive everything. But moreover, no one will condemn us, if he die." He explained.

_Die, i died lots of times, and i woke up again, again and again._

"We want you, to go to earth and stop the 'gate incident', and the explosion of moon." Cloak explained.

Spike started to laugh. He moved and moved and moved, was he crazy or only simulated it?

"Sedatives..." said Cloak.

_Sedatives, no more. AntidepressantsmirtazapineBarbituratessecobarbitalpentobarbitalamobarbitaBenzodiazepinesdiazepamclonazepamluphenazine HaloperidolThiothixeneTrifluoperazineLoxapinePerphenazineProchlorperazine, how many kinds did i get?_ Long mechanic arm with injection moved towards him, it jabbed him and the liquid in it, spread in his blood. Spikes moves stopped and dreamland come again. Was he really that crazy?  
_Were they requesting that, or is it just another dream? Hell..._

The light burned his face, the sunlight. His lids get a red color, when he looked onto them from inside, he couldn't resit it much longer.  
Spike opened his eyes, he didn't expect the scenery, what opened before him. _Outside._ On the sky was a white line from flying machine.  
_Nothing changed, i am still here._ Spike stood and examined his surroundings, normal houses and everything. _Just some new asteroid city._  
He said to himself and tried to reach for his pack of cigarettes.

"Dammit!"

Spike shouted, as he realized, that they confiscated his cigarettes. _Those bastards._  
He walked towards the nearest shop, the path was normal and nothing seemed to be according to plan, pockets cradled his hands.  
Every step made a new sound, he stopped and breathed in, the air was fresh. _Probably new types of plants._ Spike thought as he approximated the shop. Tobacconist, luck was on his side. The door rang as he stepped in, bell handed over it. Spike watched the interior.  
_Nothing changed._  
Spike watched the seller and showed the red pack of cigarettes with his finger, which handed on the wall behind her.  
She grabbed it, place it onto counter and said.

"...ty dollars" Spike don't listened until she said dollars.

_Dollars? Where's Woolongs? So it worked._ Spike paid from his package, what doctors gave him. It worked i am really in the past.  
He looked at newspapers. _4/12/1991.  
_The time machine, he laugh over it, but it worked and now he walked in the past. But he always walked in the past, he was trapped in the past, but in his own past, and now he was in past for real. _Damn._ Bell above door rang again and Spike stepped outside. He lighten up his cigarette and enjoyed it for a moment. _What the hell happened?_ Memory caught something, image of himself standing in green light and then pain in the brain.  
_Time traveling.  
_There was a bench over a high-road, he sat and smoked. People were walking there and smiling, as well as photographing the scenery,  
that was tourists, other people were just enjoying it or walking towards some destinations. His eyes focused at statue with torrent coming from its mouth.  
_Merlion._

"What the hell?" Spike remembered the tape, what he and Jet played in beta video recorder.

"Can she... here..."

Faye, was the one who with this statue remembered her past. _This is joke, like my whole life.  
Those stupid idiots, they missed it over thirty years, 2021 was the time when he should be. Not here, there._  
Then, he tried to remember what the doctors said about his mission, nothing came into his brain, he forgot. Some paper was in his breast-pocket, it was instructions. _1. Don't tell anyone about it ; 2. Find a HGP superintendent in Singapore and tell him that AIK is dead and mission canceled.  
_This shouldn't be a problem, but this was a wrong year, no Hyperspace Gate Project was here. Nothing.

"We deserved it..." Spike said to himself, as he thought about humans and their manners towards nature.

Some drunk man came over to him and sat beside him.

"Hey man, you want a foot?" He was terribly drunk, but managed to speak.

"What?" Spike didn't understand.

"You wunt fatball?" He repeated again.

"Give me..." He watched the cigarette.

Spike gave him his half smoked cigarette and man faithed handing him one ticket to football match.  
_Huh? Football. I remember this._

Spike was a child and he stole two tickets to intersolar football match. But attendant didn't want a child to come in. Spike let out his anger,  
and with one assault, he killed him. First blood on his hands in his life, first step into syndicate. And when you are in syndicate, you don't quit it alive. Only way to quit the syndicate is, in coffin. _More than truth._ He said, as he remembered his last fight before the medical treatment.  
Only way to quit the syndicate, is death.  
_Maybe in this time, syndicates haven't got that power._  
It happened again, head burned under his insanity and hand shook more and more, he was mad. Mad from the quit, mad from the volts, mad from the sedatives. Mad from his past. _STOP!_

He stood and chose to go to that football match to clear his head, to clear his mission duty.

Spike was surprised with his seat, it was first tier of the auditorium. Ball rolled left, ball rolled right, he forgot how he hated this game, how he hated the football. Not for the game, for the incident it cause. Man beside him ate a hot dog and sipped a beer. But Spike had his own thoughts, Spike had his own problems. Spike was a time traveler. Spike was lost in the past. The referee whistled and indicated the half-time period, nothing unusual.

Then it came and ate his guts, tension grew in his body. _She's here.  
_In the group of cheerleaders, familiar face appeared, Faye Valentine.  
The drift of memories, which he tried to divide, finally reached his brain, it came into real time. His left eye started to reflect again, and he saw his past. Vicious before him, he on the other side. Past friends, today enemies. Spike grabbed a sword of his enemy, as the scratch tossed their weapons, and Vicious got gun under his foot. _Vengeance time._ Capo di tutti capi and Spike on the same side of justice, same side of revenge.  
And the last meaningful words came. _Finish, Julia, wish_. Three sentences. Two injuries. Sword came through his chest in the same time,  
as bullet through heart of his enemy. _Bang..._  
Blue was there, and voltage then. Shocks what brought him back alive. Or not?

Did he wanted to live? In that time, no, but he forgot about Faye.

And now, he's back, back in the past.  
And she's back as well.

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A/N: It will be short story. 


	2. Are you all right, sir?

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Don't own._

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_

_It's a dream no matter how far I go; I can never reach reality, trapped in an endless nightmare_. -- Strange man in 1991 said.

-

_Bang..._

And blue came.

"Is he dead?"

"Don't know..."

"Poke him."

"Why don't you do it?"

"Call an ambulance! You idiots!"

"Wait i have a better idea..."

-

Time is collapsing crinkle of thoughts, relationships and mean people, who think they can change present, when they send someone to the past. But can it really be changed? Or time paradox arise - time which is not bound onto future and is creating new, unexplored. Can past be changed?  
_Change past. Past. My own past._  
He stood there at the exit from the stadium, he thought about go to her or not. Can he really go to her and speak to her, will it change something? People were complaining and swearing about the game, home team lose probably. The line was walking slow, so he waited for empty moment. Another cigarette handed from his mouth, this time unlighted. Spike was too lost in his thoughts, to concentrate on the smoking. _Faye is here. My past is here, my future is here._  
_What did she said back then?_ He only remembered those five shots, those five cartridges, those five nails into his coffin. Five worms which ate his conscience. He didn't plan to die, but circumstances made him do it again, and he woke up.

Then purple thing chop off his thoughts, she walked there before him with a few other cheerleaders.  
Spike was scared, scared from where its heading. She saw him and stopped walking. He watched her and words were failing him. _She can be around 16, is that possible?  
_Faye was younger and her naive face, as he remembered it from the video tape, made him grin a little. _Faye as a naive girl, this is funny._ Her friends already left.  
They stood there. Then after not that long while, Spike put his cigarette and hands into pockets and started to walk away.

"Wait, who are you sir?" She asked, nice voice.

He stopped and for a while didn't say anything.

"You watched me, entire time of our performance." Faye said and tried to come closer.

"I just... remembered someone..."

He said and leaned onto wall before him, then colors, thoughts and all other electrons in his brain mixed into final thing and he fainted. _Insanity. _Things in his mind was steading for a long time, finally he got an image.

"Do you reconsidered our proposal?" This was familiar, but when was Cloak asking him about his mission, it was for second time.

"Yes." Spike said, blood was covering his left eye, it was just after the shootout with Vicious.

"Sing it here, please." Paper with some little letters handed before him.

"Welcome to our society, agent Spiegel."

"What?"

He felt softness and no pain in his brain. His senses woke up and he was in someones bed, in unknown room. Faye's room. Why did he fainted, why he suddenly remembered his cooperation with Cloak? Why she was here? Luckily he had his own clothes on him, so she didn't change him. Spike heard a noise behind the door, someone came near the room. _Who is it?_ Slight knocks wake him up from his pool of past. _Maybe shes not like Faye i know, maybe shes more polite._

"Sir, are you awake, can i come in?" She asked.

"I am awake." Spike's answer disclaimed the reality, he was trapped in his dreams.

The door squeaked as it opened, she came in and saw him sitting on her bed.

"Are you all right sir? When you faithed others wanted to call an ambulance, but you haven't got any identification with you, so they helped me drag you in here."

"I'm perfectly right..." Spike's eyebrow twitched.

"You don't look like that." She sat on the bed beside him.

"Whats your name?" Faye asked with excitement in her eyes.

"Name is not important..." His answers were cold, but suitable.

"But you can call me Spike." Then he added. _Don't be rude to the hosts._ His auntie always said.

"My name is Fayina, but everyone is mutilating it, so they call me Faye." She explained and smiled.

_Shes still a child._ Spike thought as he examined her smile.  
He never saw her smiling like that, new experience.

"I wonder how you feel." Her eyes fixed on his.

"What is it?" Spike found out that she is staring on him.

"You have different eyes... strange." Faye waslost in her own thoughts.

"Yeah, just DNA mistake." He said and she just watched him.

"Can i ask you something?" She said in serious tone. Spike was silent, and silence mean yes.

"I need a favor." _Here we go, same old Faye._

"What kind of favor?" Spike asked, as if he was interested.

She looked away. And covered her eyes, she was shy.

"Well... I-I... its hard to put into words..." _No way, this is not Faye, as i know her._

"All girls... from our school are already... dating." She stood and walked around room not very calm.

"And you don't." Spike suggested.

"Thats not true, i had a boyfriend, but hesaidthat hehave another girljust yesterday! And i said to all girls that they will meet him tomorrow." Faye shouted on Spike, he welcomed sings of normal Faye.

"...i don't feel up to this." Spike said, but he understood that he owe her that favor.

"Please." She made a sorry face on him._ I cant resit it and if i dont she will kill me in thefuture._

"Ok, ill do it, i still owe you something." Spike said and stood up.

"Yay!" She was happy, her ego was happy. _Just like her stupid horses._ He thought about her gambling.

"But we must clear up some things." She said and calmed again.

"What things?" Spike was suspicious.

"How old are you?" Faye asked, seriously again.

Old, Spike was too old to see life, and too young to see death, but he saw both. Death prevailed. Happiness didn't make a sense in his life, except occasional times as life with Julia, then it entered his brain. He realized that he was never happy, never really happy. With Julia yes, but always fear from Vicious and syndicate made his fortune go away. And there was lots of things to fear and he knew, never he could defeat the syndicate, but yet he managed too. _Maybe i can defeat my fate too._

"Old enough." Spike said and Faye understood that its not very good topic of discussion.

-

_Why did i survive it? Why am i crazy? Why?_  
Another collection of images opened before him and his eyes focused onpicture of Cloak and one other guy in a doctor suit._ I hate doctors._ They were talking, but he was sharpening his hearing too slowly to hear it all. But he heard enough.

"Shocks are not working, he's still dead." The guy next to the Cloak said. Spike laid there in his trench coat full of blood.

"Then try that new sedative." Cloak said.

"But sir..." Guy tried to complain.

"He'll be alive, so do it." Cloak ordered.

"But if we apply it, he will be insane and probably out of our control, thats the side effects and you know it." Doctor complained again.

"Its worth that risk, remember our mission."

Cloak finally persuade him and doctor jabbed him with green injection, this image was flashing along with his eye operation, which was too similar to this.  
Strange feeling entered his body, mind was getting back from the land of the death and he was alive.  
His memories were going backwards.

Bell rang and Spike with shock woke up, he was all covered in sweat. _Another dream._ But he laid on the ground alongside Faye's bed, so the other things were not a dream. She wants me to be her boyfriend, what an irony. Spike stood and Faye was already awake, long scar on his chest didn't indicate good memories. She watched it.

"Where did you get this?" Shes always asking.

"My friend and I had some business together, and he liked knives." Spike said in his 'don't telling a joke' tone and Faye was confused.

"Maybe you want to get ready, if we are planning to be there on time." He then added and young Faye realized that she overslept a little.

And she prepared.

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A/N: Probably only 2 chapters. 


End file.
